Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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