I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
