Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
