Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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