Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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