Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They have beer where we have blood.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
