Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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