Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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