I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
