is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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