I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize