Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
