Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
