After last night, I could never be a politician.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
