my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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