She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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