And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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