Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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