Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
