This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
