Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
