I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
