Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
