I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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