So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
