can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I need a beard to bite.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
