I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
