The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
