ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
