just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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