Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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