Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member