I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?