3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.