we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.