You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
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I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.