let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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