Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
