so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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