shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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