would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
