She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
