If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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