I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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