if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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