Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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