he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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