Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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