I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I smell stomach acid.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the day after is always just damage control
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
