Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
