He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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