I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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