i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
