I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She bit a glass in half.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
