So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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