Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
