You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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