Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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