Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
