Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
