Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They took my balls.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
