my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
