forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize