I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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