Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
