even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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