can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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