So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
