I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
