Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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