hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
