If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize