Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
