I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
