even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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