hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
