i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
