Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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