whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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