I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
