Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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