No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
