He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
