you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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