You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
