Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
