I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
